This is a pretty personal post today because I’m currently laying in bed feeling like I’ve been hit by a bus (yet again).
This winter has been brutal thus far. We’ve been plagued by illness for longer than I can even recall. It’s been back to back to back sickness and endless trips to the doctor. I have a hard time not blaming myself for starting it — since I was the one who had influenza and strep throat just about a month ago, starting the vicious cycle in our household.
The girls are each on their second round of strep throat in just three weeks of time and now Rush has it too. (Trust me, I didn’t know a baby could get strep throat either.) Rush and I spent the better portion of last night in the Children’s Emergency Room because his fever spiked and his breathing was wheezy. After ruling out more serious illnesses, it was concluded that the strep + viral infection are making him incredibly miserable. And in such a small baby, that is incredibly scary.
I can’t even begin to tell you how much I cried yesterday. For him. For Maven, who was also throwing up with her strep throat. For Sylvie, who has been endlessly sick since fall. For my inlaws who have graciously exposed themselves so they can help. For Mark who has added stress to his work when our life is like this. And because of pure and utter exhaustion.
I’m nursing Rush as often as he’ll accept and trying to keep him cozy. (We want to avoid a return for an IV at all costs.) I’m thankful for all of the sweet love + help we have in our lives. My in laws for always helping with our children. My friend Rachele for her endless support + dinner on our doorstep. My friend Sarah who would have come over in a heartbeat to help without care about exposing her own self. My friend Amy who offered to do anything (including writing a blog post so I could meet my goals) to help. And SO many more.
Motherhood lately, it’s been so hard. I’m exhausted. When it’s one more thing, I say I can’t do it anymore but yet, somehow and in someway, I miraculously do. Every. Single. Day.
That is what happens when motherhood defeats you: you continue to do motherhood. You might cry. You might curse. You might desperately need a nap and think you’ll never get a good night sleep again. But, you don’t give up. You do your very best.
If you, mama, are defeated today, read When Motherhood Defeats You, Volume 1. The last two paragraphs are a pep talk — and I hope it’s exactly what your heart needs.
You have what it takes. I’m cheering for you.